Three and a half years later...

Comment

Three and a half years later...

Early on in my recovery, I celebrated days. I started off with a 30-day 'break'. (Typically people who drink a lot give themselves breaks to 'detox' after binging, after New Year's Eve or when they suffer some sort of negative consequence.) 

I used the 30 days as a countdown, just like I'd always had.  

THIRTY DAYS UNTIL I CAN DRINK AGAIN!!!

Except this time, I knew it was going to be different. I knew in my heart that this was it. I told everyone around me that I was taking a break so people wouldn't ask the dreaded question, "You mean you're NEVER going to drink again????!!!????!?!?!?!?"

This time needed to be different if I was ever going to live the life I knew I was meant to live.  

Comment

My Sober Experience

2 Comments

My Sober Experience

Drinking coffee by the pool on the island of Roatan, Honduras.  Not going to lie, these are the moments I REALLY miss drinking.  A few years ago I would have had a mimosa in my hand and a nice buzz going already.  It's 10 am.  I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and I acknowledge that I am where I am today, right now, because I decided that champagne for breakfast was no longer acceptable for me.    

I didn't do anything miraculous, I just made a choice.

I feel like I got off easy with my addiction.  I know it's not so simple for some people.  I haven't struggled like some of my friends.  I haven't had any real desire to go back out.  I haven't relapsed or needed a hospitalization or treatment or a DUI to hit my bottom.  I knew I was never going to be the person I wanted to be if I kept using.  I knew I as never going to meet my fitness, financial, travel or relationship goals if I stayed the same. 

So I made a choice to change.  

2 Comments

5 Comments

So I Went to My First AA Meeting...

So I went to an AA meeting on Wednesday.  I just wanted to see if it was as bad as I remember it.  I really miss having friends and I don't know where else to meet them!!!  So it was kind of out of desperation.  I really don't know where else to meet other sober people.  This island is probably THE WORST place to get sober.  I live a surreal life here, where it's acceptable to drink on the job, dealing coke is talked about openly, and drunk driving is a way of life.   I want to surround myself with like-minded people, people who are serious about not using and who want to take control of their life and actually live!!  

I understand why people need to be in the program, I just really can't connect with the dogma. The steps, the wording, the way you have to say you're an alcoholic every time you say your name.  Like it's your identity.  I don't want to identify as that.  I don't want that to be my label, my title.  I want to be Shannon, Healthy, Happy, Whole and Sober.  It feels so much more empowering.  I had to introduce myself and I didn't say that I was an alcoholic and I'm sure I was looked at with a nice side eye.  "Who's this bitch?"  I didn't tell them I have over a year and a half clean and sober and that I did it on my own.  I guess I was worried about being judged for not getting sober the 'right' way.  Or maybe I'm just full of myself and need to lose the ego.

5 Comments

5 Comments

So Many Ways to Get Sober

There are so many ways to get sober: detox, treatment, Alcoholics AnonymousNarcotics AnonymousWomen for SobrietySMART RecoveryRational RecoveryModeration Management, Life RingSecular Organizations for Sobriety, and probably more than that.  I knew when I was getting sober that AA/NA wasn't going to be my route but I needed something more to hold onto than just the chair that I was white-knuckling.  

Something about Women for Sobriety really resonated with me, but being on a tiny island in the Caribbean, I had no opportunity to attend meetings or meet up with any other women that were familiar with the program.  So I wrote the Thirteen Affirmations  down and posted them on my mirror so I saw them every morning.  I picked one to focus on for the day, and prayed to Baby Jesus that I stayed strong. 

5 Comments

6 Comments

Eighteen Months Sober Today

 just want to brag a little, because we're taught that we're not supposed to and I think we should be proud of our accomplishments!!! Today I had my first day of class in my coaching program, and it also marks 18 months clean and sober!!  I didn't realize that the two events fell on the same day until yesterday, but how cool that my new life coincides with my new life.  ;-)  

6 Comments

2 Comments

Finding My Way to Sobriety

Never in a million years did I think that I'd ever be writing about my sobriety.  I've had several friends and as many strangers message me about their struggles, asking for advice and sometimes just needing to type out their thoughts so they don't go crazy.  I share what I know, what's worked for me.  It's not the traditional AA/NA story, which is why I think a lot of people can connect with my story.  It seems like there are more and more people that want to get sober, but aren't looking to sit in meetings where they tell war stories and feel pressured to find Jesus.  Alcoholics Anonymous works for some people, and we have to do whatever works for us to get and stay clean.  But that isn't my story. 

2 Comments