Original Post: March 11, 2105

"When we're unwilling to deal with our past or unwilling to look at our patterns, true change cannot occur." ~May Cause Miracles

I've always held the belief that people don't change, unless they put some serious work in. You have to be ready and willing to do whatever it takes to change your behavior.  By doing this, you're showing your willingness to shift and grow.  

A few years ago I quit partying for about 9 months.  In the back of my head I knew that I was going to go back out, so it really changed the entire 'sober' process.  (I wasn't really sober, I just wasn't using.)  More than that, I quit because I was trying to get my alcoholic boyfriend at the time to quit.  (Because that always works!!)  I didn't really have a problem, you see, I could stop at anytime.  If I was an addict, I wouldn't have been able to quit like I had.  I thought if I quit, he'd see how much better my life was, and surely he'd quit too. Nope!!   I ended up being his designated driver for 9 months.  But in that time, I still went to the bars and clubs.  I still did everything I had been doing while I was partying.  Barely any introspection, if any.  I was basically white-knuckling it, hoping any day now the boyfriend would change and we'd live happily ever after.  But I didn't really want it, and he certainly didn't either.  And happily ever after never came.

Six years later, I was done.  So sick of how my life was that I knew I needed a change.  I was done blaming everything and everyone around me and ready to start looking within.  I was ready to put the work in, at any cost.  I'd had years of therapy under my belt and knew I had the tools.  Now I had the desire.  I had prayed and prayed for this day to come.  I remember sitting in my therapist's office, crying and begging that one day, I'd have the desire to quit.  I didn't want to have that in my life anymore, but I still wanted to have fun and party.  I wasn't ready before, but I was ready now.  I was willing to do WHATEVER IT TOOK to change.  I was willing to love myself.

"I am willing to let go of my self-doubt.  I surrender to self-love." ~Gabby Bernstein