Are you aware of how unkind you can be toward yourself? Think about it for a minute. Sure, we all have moments when we talk shit to ourselves. "God, you're so stupid! Did you really just say that?" But go beyond that. What are some other ways that you hurt yourself, but may not be aware that that's what you're doing. Some of mine...
-Negative self-talk -Sex
-Drugs -Toxic relationships
-Binge eating -Restrictive eating
-Self harm -Shaming myself
-Binge drinking -Not sleeping enough
-Not working out or taking care of my body
-Working out too much and getting obsessive
-Not wearing my seatbelt
The exercises today were pretty tough. It's hard to look at all of the ways I'm unkind to myself. Admittedly, most of these are in the past when I was still drinking and using drugs. I stayed in extremely toxic and alcoholic relationships because I thought if I just loved him enough he'll change. I chose friends that were equally as toxic, using drugs and alcohol to cope with anxiety, depression and life. Friends and lovers that just sat in their shit and complained about it instead of doing something about it.
From a young age I was comparing myself to others, and then shaming myself for not being as awesome/pretty/tall/athletic/skinny/fit/funny/feminine as the other girls were. Then of course there's the dieting/starving/juicing/bingeing/exercising cycle. I worked too much to avoid my shitty relationships. I'd stay up too late and wake up exhausted. Basically, anyway I could NOT take care of myself, I was doing it.
I played small. I tried to be less funny (pffff, like that's even possible.) But I was told my personality was too much, no man would love me if I was a loud/obnoxious/center of attention/foul-mouthed/party girl (FALSE!!! If you ask my boyfriend, I'm pretty sure he'll tell you these are some of the reasons why he loves me!!) I played small by not going after my dreams, by thinking I didn't deserve to live a life some people only dream of. I set goals I knew I could reach. I didn't set goals that were a challenge.
I told myself I was just a dreamer, none of them would ever come true. I used to tell myself that I was never going to find my passion, that I was just going to go from job to job until I retired. Or died. I've told myself over and over that I'll never have the body that I want because I don't have the discipline to stick to a plan.
ALL OF THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!!! All of this is PLAYING SMALL! All of this are bullshit old voices and tapes playing in my head. The story I've made up. And now it's time for A NEW STORY!!! It's time to wake the fuck up, stop listening to the FEAR that's around me and instead focus on the LOVE!! AND I CHALLENGE AND ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO THE SAME!
Stop listening to the voices in your head. Stop listening to the people around you who are living in fear. When someone gives you their opinion, check your source. Oftentimes people will tell you not to travel, not to quit your job, not to move, not to dump your POS boy/girlfriend because THEY would be too scared to do any of those things. Surround yourself with people who are daring. Who are bold. Who are living a life you're jealous of. And listen to them!! Those are the people you want around you. Those are the people who will love your big personality, your funny and maybe sometimes inappropriate humor. Those are the people you want to have cheering you on when you buy that around-the-world plane ticket!!
"Feeling is healing, so get comfortable with being uncomfortable and trust that love is guiding your path." Isn't Gabby Bernstein the freakin' best?!!
Here is me getting ready to push through all of my fear of flying so I can see the Nazca Lines on my trip to Peru in September 2014.