I, like so many people, get paralyzed by fear. I play the 'what if' game.
What if it doesn't work out?
What if I hate it? What if I get dumped? What if I say the wrong thing?
This last week has been pretty rough, to say the least. I shattered my wrist after a fall, which required a three night hospital stay and surgery that left me with a plate and seven screws. OUCH! Two weeks off of work, mounting medical bills, physiotherapy, a wicked ear infection, narcotic painkillers and too much time to think all leads to ridiculous amounts of fear-based thoughts.
I was trying to distract myself with Netflix (holy shit Breaking Bad was amazing!! And Orange is the New Black: WHAAAT??!!), naps by the pool, short walks on the beach and just laying in bed staring at the walls. As my tolerance for the pain and the drugs grew, I was finally in the mood to read a book, so I grabbed the one that had been sitting on my bedside table for a little over two months.
Isn't it funny how books come to us at the perfect time? May Cause Miracles, by Gabrielle Bernstein. I had no idea what the book was about, even though I had ordered it. "A 40-day guidebook of subtle shifts for radical change and unlimited happiness." And then I opened it up...
FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real
Just like happiness, fear is a choice. I can choose to listen to fear and let it snowball into a big scary mess, or I can choose love and know everything is as it should be. I can choose to let the old tapes play in my head, or I can choose to press 'stop' and put in a new tape, one that is positive and full of love.
The ego is what pulls me into the dark hole of not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough. The ego is what keeps me stuck in fear. When I'm unwilling to look at my fears, those fears become my reality. Through my willingness to focus on love, forgiveness and gratitude, I am able to shift my perspective and start looking at life through clearer lenses.
Hadn't I spent enough time living in fear? Emotional fear (I'm going to die alone and my cats are going to eat my face before the cops find my body). Financial fear (I'm never going to make enough money to pay off my credit cards or get ahead). I've lived a life of being stuck in fear and I left that life behind to start over. Why was I resorting back to that way of thinking? Because it was familiar. Because it's what society pushes us into. Because my ego was running the show. Not anymore. Today I'm starting this 40 day journey of looking fear head on and releasing it. Care to join me?